May 2, 2012

Maladaptive Daydreaming

All my life, I have rocked back and forth while I am sitting. I shake my leg violently at other times, like when I am laying in bed. While standing, I sway side to side. In all this time of moving for no apparent reason, I am actually daydreaming without being aware of it. When I snap out of it, I am not confused if I am in reality or a fantasy world. I know where I am, what I am doing, and that I was daydreaming. At least, now that I have realized that I AM daydreaming.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally googled this strange behavior. I never thought to do that before, but now that I have, I'm kind of sorry about it. I found pages and pages of people talking about their symptoms, wondering what they could do about them, and how it seemed impossible to stop. They talked about their addictions to spending hours at a time daydreaming, and how they wanted to stop WASTING their life doing NOTHING.

I never realized that I was daydreaming while rocking back and forth until I read about other people with the same condition. Then it clicked. I have Maladative Daydreaming, I have had it all my life, and I wish I never found out what it was.

Usually, and apparently, it starts with a traumatic incident in your childhood. It's a way to escape. I however have had it since birth. I would rock at night until my crib would block the door from being opened. My younger brother seems to have it, too. He doesn't make friends well, he would rather be by himself... Like me. People just get in my way of daydreaming...

Maladaptive Daydreaming is much worse than having idle daydreams while in school and your teacher is boring you. It's addictive. You can't stop. It's like a drug. If you can daydream for hours at a time? You might have it. While daydreaming, you do some kind of movement over and over. Shake something in your hand, rock back and forth, shake your leg. It will bother people, and they will ask why you do it. Most people don't have an answer. Then they make fun of you.

It's not a very nice existence. You waste your life. You stay in. You daydream during jobs and get fired for it. You don't keep friends. People yell at you.

You can stop it yourself. I would suggest doing so, unless you want to spend years of your life doing nothing. but daydreaming. Just catch yourself, and stop. Just keep trying.

There are usually triggers... Something that gets your mind start being creative. A book, a movie, music... The weather. I've noticed when there is a lightning storm, I start daydreaming about North Dakota. I used to spend summers there, and there is a lightning storm almost every night there. I am terrified about tornadoes, and then I get scared. That feeling remains with me when I snap out of it, but I know I am not in N.D. I'm still in a lightning storm though.

You end up with weird feelings and thoughts and it's just annoying. I feel like now that I know about it, I'm diseased. I never thought it did me any harm before, but now? How much of my time am I spending daydreaming?